paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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