I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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