No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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