I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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