I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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