Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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