My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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