okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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