Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize