Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
