the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
