I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
