Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
