Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
