Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
