Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
as a side note pls kill me
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
