and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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