the condom got lost in my hair
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
