the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
