How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
