I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize