Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
