Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
