your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
