You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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