Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize