nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
