you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
