after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just had sex on a roof
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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