You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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