soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
