Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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