I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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