kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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