took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
