Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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