Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
a search helicopter?!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
