she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
