Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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