he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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