Well apparently he's into motor boating.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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