The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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