You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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