It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We don't watch enough power rangers
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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