Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
