Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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