My nipple is on Facebook.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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