some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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