Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
