11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
