New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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