Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
