NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
