If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
