Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
