Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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