I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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