it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
