Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
