Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
