She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
