I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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