I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
