just survived the first fart of the relationship.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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