I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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