and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize