And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
