She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
